I have mentioned once before that I was a Boy Scout and earned the highest rank of Eagle Scout. The Scout motto is, “Be prepared.” In the context of scouting activities like camping, hiking, etc. this means that one should consider possible situations and have the necessary equipment to survive as well as the knowledge to navigate familiar and unfamiliar conditions. The motto doesn’t just apply to scouting, however…
In the months, weeks, and days before welcoming my first child, I have tried to be prepared as well. We’ve bought the suggested supplies, packed the hospital bags, and readied our home as best as we can. What I still struggle to prepare is my emotional self.
Uncertainty has always been an obstacle for me. It has often manifested a crippling anxiety that has been challenging to overcome. I often approach situations with the expectation that I can’t be surprised by any outcome, and if that were to happen it would be a failure of my preparation and I would feel shame and embarrassment.
What I have tried to think instead is that there is a level of preparation that is appropriate. But in life, there are going to be unknown unknowns. Things will happen that I can’t expect or are so rare that focusing on them would be to let the anxiety overcome the joy of the present. While my life is a statistical model of all possible outcomes, I can’t always think that way and stay sane at the same time.
I should trust that I have the tools to deal with any situation as it comes. I don’t have to play out every scenario in my mind to know that I will be ok. My wife, my family, my friends, and my community are all part of my support system and I am not traveling alone.
As we prepare to head to the hospital soon, I know there will still be nerves and anxiousness, but also excitement, love, and joy. So, I can honestly say that I am prepared for the baby to arrive and I will stay present and experience the miracle of new life.
So long for now…
-Felix