Today’s dominant feeling of insecurity manifested as self doubt. I want so badly to do the right things as a parent, to model the right behavior and to make the right decisions. But I don’t have the unflappable confidence to believe I can always do these things.
I know intellectually that I will make mistakes and that they are learning opportunities and catalysts for growth when approached with the right mindset. With that said, it’s still challenging to accept that there will be times when I’m not proud of myself for reacting instead of responding.
I have felt serious guilt the last couple of days as I fall asleep when I know my wife has to be awake and feeding the baby. Even though it’s important that I also get sleep so that I can sub in during non-feeding hours, I still had that crummy feeling in my stomach.
Speaking of sleep, I’ve definitely been sleeping less and for shorter periods of time which I expected. What I didn’t anticipate was waking up in a panic thinking that I had overslept and been selfish with my rest. It’s something I need to work on to ensure I can recharge when I have the opportunity so that I can be the best version of myself as a father during my waking hours.
So long for now.
-Felix