Today is the end of week two as the primary daytime caregiver to my daughter. My wife went back to work last Monday after 12 weeks of very special time together. There have been challenges for sure, but I’m more excited than ever to be a dad.
Day one of my solo parenting got off to a rocky start. Not long after my wife had left did I experience a diaper malfunction that left me, the sofa, and the hallway drenched in urine. But I kept my wits about me, bounced back quickly and still had a good day.
The next morning, I set out to walk one of our two dogs before my wife started her commute for the second day. Little did I know that the intense rain from the previous evening had caused the newly spread dirt at the house under construction two doors down to flow across the sidewalk creating a mudslide. I approached walking briskly and as my lead sandal-wearing foot entered the mud, I immediately started a slide. That helpless feeling came over me as I knew there was nothing I could do in that split second to keep myself upright and off the cold, wet ground. My butt hit the concrete and my left forearm took an impact to prevent the rest of my body from slamming down. I slowly got up, arms, legs, and back covered in thick mud. My dog’s paws were also caked in the soil. Feeling a bit ego-bruised, I made the walk back to my house and from the entryway called to my wife to bring a towel. When she realized what happened, she sought to comfort me, ensuring I was physically ok, and also tried to hold back laughter (which I understand as I looked ridiculous). After bathing the dog, I stepped into the shower myself, fully clothed to wash off the dirt. Fortunately, I wasn’t injured.
About an hour later, I began to feel a wave of emotions thinking back on the event. I started to think about the couple of times my mother had pretty serious falls. It made me wonder if she was sending me a message. Perhaps she was behind this minor incident, trying to get my attention. But what was she telling me? Probably to slow down. It’s only day two of this new paradigm and I don’t need to have everything figured out from our schedule to my productivity. There are a lot of spinning plates in the air that need attention to maintain momentum and prevent from falling and shattering. But I need to have grace with myself and focus on being a great dad and address the other details when I’m ready.
These are the only two minor setbacks from the first ten days of being H.D.I.C. and I’ve had many more moments of intense gratitude for this opportunity. Having my daughter flash her smile and hold my hand are feelings second to none. I’ve really felt a strong sense of purpose that I haven’t experienced in a long time, perhaps ever. I’m loving being a dad.
So long for now.
-Felix