Parental influence

An essay from a young Felix

I want to share a piece of writing I found in my mom’s archives. This is an essay I wrote a long time ago as a child. I don’t remember exactly when, but let’s just say it was probably early high school. Afterward, I’ll provide some commentary about what I still agree with and maybe where I’ve changed my mind. I have not edited my words from the original work at all. The title of the essay is, My Influence…

Parents have always influenced their children’s lives, beginning with the environment they provide and the values they instill. There is no doubt that the reputation carried by parents is passed down to their heirs, and is sometimes difficult to live up to. It is necessary to see the correlation between parents and children to fully understand any given situation.

In my personal situation, there has always been that parental influence.
Both my parents graduated from college, and hold stable jobs. Because of this, there was never any doubt that I would go to college. My parents expected it, but more importantly, I expected it of myself. It was this situaiton that guided me to begin to establish my own personal goals for education and ultimately for my career.

I have always looked up to my father as a successful businessman, and a brilliant talent. I have yet to meet someone who can budget their time as well as my father can to get the most out of each and every day. One of my fondest memories that I continue to cherish is going to work with my dad on the weekends. He would take me to the post office first; we would get the mail then head to the office. He would always let me open up his letters and sit in his big chair. From then on, I knew that someday, I would be just like my father.

Having a father who travels a lot with his job makes it even more important to have a dedicated and loving mother. I, however, had much more than that; my mother is a caring and brilliant person. She really helped me through my schooling, to ensure that I was always doing well and being challenged. My mother was always there for the quick homework question, or the long conversation about the terrible food at lunch. There was never anything she couldn’t help me with.

Along my path to adulthood, I have learned a lot from my parents and gained a better understanding of what lies ahead for me. Having the parents that I do has given me an advantage over many who are not as fortunate as I am. I have seen, though, that I must continue down my path of successes in order to ultimately succeed. I can have all the help in the world, but I must want it for myself. Now I realize that I want the best of myself so that someday I will be able to help my children like my parents helped me.

I can tell that I put a lot of thought and effort into this essay. There are a couple of themes that I agree with full stop. First, I’m fortunate to have had two hardworking parents who created a safe home environment. Next, my mother was always there for me until the day she died. And lastly, my father has continued to get as much out of every day as he can.

There’s one sentence that brings me great pause, “There is no doubt that the reputation carried by parents is passed down to their heirs, and is sometimes difficult to live up to.” This is somewhat difficult to read. I had a mindset that there was a level of success that I needed to achieve. Recently, as I’ve reflected more on this, I thought that I needed to achieve this success for me to be deserving of my parents’ love. This is an impossible position for a child or young adult to put themselves in. If there’s one thing I could tell young Felix, it would be this…you have worth and you are loved regardless of how much money you make, what title you have, or what car you drive.

While my heart was in the right place when I wrote this piece, I was mistaken about some of what I should have been admiring in my parents. It’s not their jobs or their productivity that was aspirational. It was the relationship I had with my mother, being able to talk about anything and her caring heart that was the real example of good parenting. I just didn’t know how to value them at the time.

I wonder what my daughter might write about her parental influences in fifteen years or so. I hope that when she reflects on her upbringing she views it positively and wants to pass along some of the wisdom from her mother and me to her children one day.

So long for now.

-Felix